Ode to my Blog title

It's been a while since I've blogged... So I'm blogging! However, I have a lot of things jumbling around in my brain and, as always, it's nothing important just  Lots of Nonsense.

I've been thinking about the huge amounts of peaches Casey canned and whether I should start putting bows on them and giving them as gifts (Yes, Casey canned peaches. Heston LOVES THEM but we have a ton! we also have a lot of Jam....)
I've been thinking about how awesome Heston is.
I've been thinking about ways I feel I should be a better Mom... things like maybe bathing Heston regularly instead of the wet wipe baths I tend to do. Or working on getting him to use more words. Not letting him wash his hands with a dog tongue....
I've been thinking about how amazing stay at home mom's are. seriously. I could write a whole post about this. It's gotten to the point where if I'm sick, it's easier to come to work. Staying home with Heston can be exhausting! and there's only one of him!
I've been thinking that I wish it wasn't SO HARD for Casey and I to have kids. I LOVED having my brother so close in age. I'm having a really hard time accepting that that may not be the case for Heston. And the freaking Clomid turns me into a girl for about a week each month. Yes, I realize I am a girl but I've never had the emotional roller coaster most girls seem to have. But now, about once a month, I get sad. I just want more love and little things can make me mad or sad or touched or any other amounts of crazy you want to put out there. Beware; during this week I hope you aren't the person who asks me or tells me "it's time to have another one". because then I'll go into too much detail about our sex lives and try to make you uncomfortable. I hate that the clomid hasn't worked and now we'll have to take the next steps.
I've been thinking about the huge amounts of unconditional love Casey, Heston (our 2 other children, Skills and Moose) and I have sent our way. The Magnusson Family, the Moon Family, Our amazing friends... they would do anything for us. It's awesome.
I've been thinking about how excited I am for the third book in the Divergent series, Allegient, to come out! October 22 folks!
I've been thinking about the government shut down and how sad it is. How hard it is on our Nation. In so many ways.
I've been thinking about taking a Latin class. Because I believe if I all of a sudden get my magical powers, Latin will come in handy.

As you can see, I think about a lot of Nonsense! Most of it has no conclusion. Most of it will always be a puzzle in my mind. But hey, now I've blogged. One less thing to think about.

I feel this picture accurately portrays my life. And my mind. 

Revert

I've been thinking a lot about Reverting. I revert a lot. It's really kind of sad. The embarrassing truth of the matter is that when I see people from my past I revert to the person I was then. Not that there's a huge difference in me now and then but let me give you a slight example.

The other day I ran into a friend of my brothers. When I run into ANY of his friends I turn into 12 year old Leslie. Even though I didn't even know him when I was 12, that's what happened. I said "Hi how're you?" he said, "good how're you doing?" I said "good, thanks!" and then basically ran away. I get SHY. (Leslie gets shy??? what? that makes no sense!) With some of his other friends I just blush and quit speaking.  I'm 25 years old! I'm married with a baby! who is this shy Leslie?

Casey also likes to make fun of me because when I get with friends I totally revert back to who I was. With my PG friends I get giggly and over share EVEN MORE than normal. Their husbands think I'm INSANE (which may be possible) because they know WAY to much about me (peeing your pants when you vomit is totally normal during pregnancy! Don't judge me Shaun and Brandon!!! Casey I'm sorry for embarrassing you with that over share)With my friends from high school I get  LOUD. Like ridiculously loud. He's said on more than one occasion that I get annoying. Rude! but true.

Does anyone else do this??? What are your tips for stopping? I need to figure out a way to find my Zen so I'm not so awkward/annoying. I'm OK with most of them. I enjoy being loud with my high school friends! I enjoy the giggles. However, I don't enjoy the shyness and immaturity... It's sad to accept that I'll be obnoxious forever... and blushing is the worst! like my cheeks aren't red enough naturally, lets add a blush! Any way.... any tips would be lovely. thanks!

6 Years

I have officially been married to My Better Half for 6 years!!!! SIX! it's crazy to think about... and since one of my favorite things to do is talk about how awesome Casey is, I take this day every year to get it all out. It really is one of my favorite things... I try to contain myself. I feel bad for everyone who doesn't get to be married to him. Which is everyone. I'm sorry you can't be married to Casey, but, he's mine.

When I married Casey, I loved him. I loved him more than any one else and I knew I always wanted him in my life. I thought He was pretty great. I was wrong. There's nothing "pretty great" about him. He's THE GREATEST. Every year I learn something more about him that just makes him more amazing and makes me fall more in love. Casey was shy and guarded when we got married. He's still shy and guarded compared to me but every year I feel like a little more of Casey comes out.
This year Casey has started singing with his head phones in. Even when he's out doing yard work, I can hear him singing while he mows the lawn or sprays the weeds. He loves to listen to music and sing while he's in the shower these days too! I love listening to Casey sing.
He's started making Jam. He loves homemade jam and so he decided that if he wanted it, he'd make it. Yeah, that's right ladies, my husband makes jam. and he'll probably kill me for announcing that.... (Luke, no taking away his man card!!! He can still shoot his gun with the best of them and fix anything)
The best thing I've learned about Casey this year though; He is the greatest Dad.

Being a Dad came so naturally to him. I was actually kind of jealous of how natural it came to him! He MADE all of Heston's baby food. No one can make Heston laugh as hard as Casey can. He never complains about the snot or the drool or the poop. He would do anything for that little boy.



Thanks for being you Casey Moon. Thanks for marrying me. I love you!

Dear Heston

Dear Heston,

You turn One tomorrow. I might be freaking out slightly about this... I can't believe how fast this year has gone. I can't believe how much you OWN our lives. You are the best baby we could have ever asked for. You slept through the night from the beginning, you hardly ever cried, I only got pooped on once and peed on a couple of times. A year ago today we were worried we wouldn't know what to do with you. Worried we wouldn't be good parents (we still worry about this but we love you so much that I'm sure we'll do something right).We were worried about the dogs being jealous of you; now we just worry about the dogs being tortured by you.  A year ago today I was doing the same thing I'm doing now; sitting at work wondering what the future holds for you.
I'm sure you're going to wonder what you were like as a baby (or at least your wife will). So I'll do my best to describe you. You are amazing. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your Mom. Your bear crawl was the cutest thing I've ever seen! and even the doctor was amazed by your strength and speed. You had two teeth by 4 months. You now have 11 teeth. You were walking by 10 months. Your first word was "Mama" which you only said when you were really upset and wanted me (be still my heart!) You are as stubborn as your father and you like to be told what do about as much as your Mother. We have constant battles over the dog dishes and your desire to play in the dog water. You get put on time-out at least a couple times a week for not listening (don't worry it's a bouncer with lots of toys. It's the cushiest time-out ever). When we tell you "no" you turn and look at us until we put our guard down and then you hurry and do it anyway. It's the same with the stairs. If we're not looking and the gates not up, you take off and are half way up in a matter of seconds. You love to be running and you'll run off, do your thing, come back for a hug and then go out again.
You love fruit and hot dogs. You can cuddle and watch sports with Dad for at least 5 minutes. It's the only thing that can get you to sit still for any chunk of time. You love Miss Amy and her family. To you, they're family as well. You love your puppies. You chase them around hugging them... you pat them, pull their hair, their ears, their lips. We let them lick the crap out of you so that you'll stop. You just think it's hilarious. You love our phones and anything shiny. You love your nap time and go instantly to sleep once given your Tigger. You love to be outside exploring new things. You could people watch for hours and really enjoy being in crazy busy environments. You love to be included and when we start laughing with a group, you'll fake laugh to be included. You love to move and rarely stop. You're independent. You don't want Mom or Dad to feed you when you can do it yourself you want to run and see new things and make sure no one picks you up (Mom, Dad, and Amy are really the only ones you let hold you anyway... you take time to warm up to people). No one can make you laugh as hard as Daddy can.
You are smart, strong, beautiful, and sweet. I love your cuddles. When you're sick, the only thing that makes you feel better are cuddles. We've called you Mowgli, Balloo, Hest, Hesto, Hesty (we don't,but the neighbors do), butt-head, turd, brat, beautiful boy, sweet boy, The Boy, That, This, cutie, One of our dogs, and probably many other things.
Thank you for coming to us. We love you SO MUCH! Happy first birthday Baby Boy.

Love,
Momma

Lately

Today's one of those rare days that I feel like lashing out at people. So I'm trying to distract myself with loud cheery pop music, cookies for breakfast, and blogging. It would be sad if I was grumpy with someone who didn't deserve it.... my dry sarcasm can get quite viscous. So, in the spirit of cheering myself up I went through my pictures on my phone. So this post is about what's new in our lives (very little... you've been warned).
I mentioned in my last post that my Beautiful cousin Lindsay was in a car accident 2 days after her high school graduation. She past away later in the week. Lindsay was one of those people that had a smile that could brighten your whole day. She was a whole lot of sugar with just enough spice to keep things interesting. Lindsay and I weren't close but that didn't change the fact that my heart broke for her family and her lost life. Lindsay had made the decision to serve an LDS mission and she was prepared to go "wherever the Lord sends me". She will be a great missionary for God.

So we went out to Oregon for the funeral. I haven't been to Oregon in YEARS but I absolutely LOVE that beautiful state. It's gorgeous. and rainy. Who could ask for more? And to add to it, I have some awesome family there! they're hilarious! and I don't see them nearly enough (you hear that family?! come visit!)

 The view from our ocean-side condo

 Casey, Heston, and some trashy girl standing in front of the ocean. That rock had more birds on it then there are stars. OK I'm being dramatic, but the specks you see? those are birds.

 Lighthouse! I always expect something dramatic to happen at a lighthouse. Like I'm going to see a ghost. Or a murder. Or a proposal.

 Heston LOVED the ocean. Every time we tried to drag him back he ran (crawled) back towards it.

 

Yeah... adorable. freaking adorable!

 

In other news, Heston is now way too old. He turns one on August 1. He walks. and has way too much attitude. He's on Time-out at least once a day.  He also chases our dogs around hugging, patting, and pulling their hair. Poor dogs...

 

 

He has a new big boy car seat.

 

It's Fiesta Days in Spanish Fork and we went to the rodeo Tuesday night. Heston is usually asleep by 7:30 (that kid has to get his 12 hours), the rodeo started at 8... he was very very sleepy. but he loved the flag girls (oh boy...) and the horses.

 

 Sleepily watching the bronc-riding

 

As you can see, he was sleepy even before we left. But look how adorable he is in Cowboy attire!

 

 

Well... I think that's about it....we had a cold that turned us all into zombies. But don't worry, Tylenol cured us. We have a new giant chair (thanks Kim and Bruce!) that is heaven to read in... yeah, we're SUPER lame. but I like it. 



Moab

We went to Moab  2 weekends ago and it was a trip of many ups and downs! We went to hike and had an amazing time doing that. We also found out my beautiful 18 year old cousin had been in a car accident. We're going to Oregon for the funeral this Saturday. Sunday we also got food poisoning. Luckily Heston didn't. get sick.
Anyway, Moab is beautiful and we woke up early enough (Casey's doing. Obviously not mine) that it wasn't too hot. Here are some of my favorite photos from the trip:

isn't his face ferocious as he chews on the pack?

Casey climbed up that with a baby on his back. He's kind of awesome.

seriously. How cute is that kid?!

He hated the cold water but loved swimming.

Ok, so I couldn't resist posting this picture.  We were on a drive exploring some dirt roads and Casey reaches over and touches my knee. I waited for an explanation but it never came, after about 15 minutes I quickly snapped a picture and asked "whatcha doin?" he looked down and said "I don't know... I just wanted to touch you..." I cracked up hysterically! He couldn't figure out why he hadn't put his whole hand on my leg. Either way, it was adorable! Now I will forever put one finger on him when I'm feeling lovey.
Anyway, this was short and dull but I wanted to post some pictures (not sure why they're all tinted blue....) Bye!

A request to my LDS friends--

I've gone back and forth on whether I'm going to write this post. I've thought that I could just do an update post on our lives... Or I've been thinking about first impressions a lot lately and that could be a fun post! But, I've never been good at keeping my mouth shut so until I get this out it'll just pester me.
Let me preface this by saying that I DO KNOW and I firmly believe that we CHOOSE how to react to situations. We can choose to be offended or we can choose to not. I also know that everyone is different and lumping everyone together isn't fair. In every group there are jerks and there are wonderful people. With that said I'm going to share a personal experience:

When we closed on our house the people living there asked if they could stay an extra week or two because they didn't have a place to live yet. Casey told them that they were welcome to stay but since we had taken over the mortgage they had to pay rent. They told us no and we could tell they were upset but they were out the next day (when the house became ours).
We moved in, and I was a little surprised that no one in the neighborhood offered to help, but hey, there were a LOT of little kids around so I knew everyone must just be busy and we had family help so we were good. Our first week of church I knew I'd have to go out of my way and introduce myself so that I could make friends. I was ready for that. I introduced myself to 3 people that day and all of them said "Hi, nice to meet you." and turned to talk to someone else. No one introduced themselves to me. Again, I was kind of shocked but figured, well, there really are a lot of kids, everyone's pretty darn busy I'll try again next week. We did have One family invite us to dinner (the stake pres. and his wife, and they were really nice).
 We went pretty diligently for a while and didn't have people talk to us. It became harder and harder to go. We moved in in May. In October we had new neighbors move in. We were chatting with them about the ward and I said, "it just doesn't seem like people like us. But I'm not sure why." They then realized who we were and told us about how they'd heard about us and how we "kicked out the people who lived their before us". They'd heard about us?! what?! My feelings really were kind of hurt. I have never been accused of being straight up mean. Yes, I've been a brat before but in this case I wasn't sure we deserved the rumors.
We got our first "welcome to the neighborhood" gift 6 months after we moved in. To be fair, I haven't taken any one new a welcome to the neighborhood gift. But it did hurt that no one would talk to us until they found out I was pregnant. By then Casey held a pretty good grudge (he's a grudge holder. you have been warmed.) and we were basically inactive. Now every time we go we get the "oh! you're here! we haven't seen you! it's so great to see you!" oy. who are you again?

Alright, that was a stupid rant. My point is that at this point I feel like a number. I feel like a name on the inactive list. I go to church because church makes me feel good. I don't go to church to be judged. And in all honesty I'm fine. Yes it hurt, but I'm not a very good grudge holder. I'm over it. Being mad and remembering why is too much work. I'm too lazy for that. However I've seen a lot of hurt from those around me lately.

My heart hurts for the man who is judged every time he goes to church because he doesn't go enough and do enough. The same man who holds more guilt in his heart than anybody could ever know.

My heart hurts for the expectant mother who can't take depression medication. Who's therapist recommended green tea but was told by her bishop that that would get her temple recommend taken away.

My heart hurts for the Mother who's ward tells her over and over that she's not doing enough even though her perfectionist notions are causing an anxiety level that's about to make her crack.

My heart hurts for the man who stops going to church because if that is how Mormons act he wants no part in it.

My heart hurts each time one of my friends says "all Mormons are judgemental" but "you don't count because you're not like them." THEN NOT ALL MORMONS ARE JUDGEMENTAL. The sad truth is, in Utah, the majority seem to be.

I had a visiting teacher who was absolutely SHOCKED that some of our best friends are anti-religion and strongly dislike the Mormon church. She didn't understand how we could associate with people who's beliefs were so different. here's the answer: Because they are great people. It's that simple. They have been there for us through a lot and I know without a doubt that they would drop everything to help us out.

I'm begging for all of my Mormon friends to STOP TRYING TO CONVERT FIRST AND LOVE LATER.
And I'm not talking about the "we love everybody because we're all God's children" kind of love. I'm talking about really loving them. Love Sister Smith for her ability to quote any movie. Love Brother Johnson for his intelligence about the Vietnam War. You have to KNOW them, and I mean REALLY KNOW THEM before you can love them. And once you love them, feel free to convert them. Next time you see someone at church who doesn't go very often, say hi and make an effort to talk. Please don't do it to convert them. Do it because you want to get to know them. Be willing to make new friends.
Don't judge
stop judging.
I know this message has been everywhere lately but I need to say it again. Please stop judging. You are hurting this beautiful gospel.

Alright. I'm down off of my soap box. I apologize for climbing up so high. I also apologize because this was way longer than it was supposed to be. Now I just need to convince myself to publish this.... maybe it'll just sit here forever.......